Child Protection Meeting, one year on.

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Child Protection Meeting, one year on.

I was planning on doing some work today, once i have wrapped the rest of the presents…Santa’s Elves are too busy to wrap this many gifts…

We dropped Toddle and The Boy off at playgroup & School and came home after having the car washed at Tesco and trying out their (actually surprising good) breakfasts.

I suppose, i am stalling here, this is not what i came on to write about..

Anyway, the window cleaner has been and gone and just before he rang the bell for payment, i fell in to the wooden frame of the vintage settee we have, whilst trying to catch a falling present from the shelf above, and i bumped my knee. Now this is nothing unusual for me, or anyone..accidents happen, but to me more than most.

I am incredibly clumsy and have atrocious spacial awareness.

I fell on the floor surrounded by the massive pile of paper and toys, and broke down…half crying, half screaming in agony, half holding back laughter that was involuntary because i know how ridiculous that it is that i am crying so pathetically at my hurting knee. I am in so much of a silly mess, that Guy gets the door to the window cleaner, and i am still stuck on the floor when he returns. Very stupid. Then, i got up, with his assistance, got myself a tissue and should have been fine…but something just clicked as i saw the time on the coffee machine (yes, a clock on the coffee machine, it is a new Ninja coffee maker with a clock on it…cus we is posh ennit).

Again, i’m stalling…

So i realise that today is exactly one year since the Child Protection meeting.

It was 11:59am that i noticed the time on the clock, and it dawned on me, that this time last year i was sick, sick to my utter core that i had no idea what to expect in only a few hours time. And in that time, our lives could be changed forever.

I had this total tripe report that was filled with inaccuracies and blatant lies, and a massive misunderstanding of Autism PDA. And a massive misinterpretation of everything i had ever said or done in order to help and protect my Autistic son, and my then one year old son in turn.

I feel so fucking hurt, still today, my heart just exploded out of no where and i am regurgitating every single second from now, (the time is 12:08) to the end of that day, one year ago. At this point a year ago i was clock watching like you would never believe, I had to go to the toilet and change my underwear TWICE, yes, TWICE, because i had actually shit myself with fear, and the pain of not being in control of my life clearly followed through to a lack of control of my entire body. I was actually rather numb come to think of it. I could not believe that what was about to take place would really ever happen to genuinely honest and good people who love their children more than anything. It still seems unreal, impossible that my children could now, this very day, be in the care of strangers. My two beautiful boys, so amazing, so loved, so unimaginably incredible, so very nearly taken away from us. Very nearly removed from their loving home. And very nearly taken away from very loving, innocent parents. This is the power that the authorities have to ruin lives. As if the boys’ lives was held in the balance like that, how is it possible that their very existence was temporarily tampered with? As if people with no insight were capable of changing my children’s lives forever?…placing them in jeopardy like that, making them vulnerable and potentially, now, living away from each other, with strangers?! Merry fucking christmas indeed.

We were on Child Protection, and we now are not..However, this meltdown today is surely akin to Post Traumatic Stress? And is clearly a result of their total incompetence and and heartbreaking allegations and subsequent actions. My whole life fell apart, and it is still not mended, by any stretch of the imagine will this ever go away.

I had a silent miscarriage before i became pregnant with The Boy, it was picked up at our 12 week scan, and subsequently i had my dead foetus ‘evacuated’ from my body. Every year i remember that feeling of loss, and every day surrounding the sad event is an anniversary of it’s own kind. Yet, over time the pain has passed as i enjoy my two beautiful boys. And this Child Protection anniversary feels like that, but a million trillion times worse. And for a hell of a longer period…Our family Christmas was ruined and our 2016 crushed in the worst way possible. The NHS and Social Services were and are responsible for the ongoing pain i experience every time i think about the incidents of last year and every time i remember that my two boys could have been taken from me. Torn from their own lives. Siblings together, taken from each other.

The Authorities raped me in that process, they tore apart my entire self, and as a result, they took to my womb with a rusty wire coat hanger and scraped out the remnants of my self confidence, belief and trust i had in anyone..They potentially ripped away every part of my maternal instinct that led me to being the good mother that i was, and as it happens, still am.

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Mommy’s Christmas Book of things…Thanks for everything, NHS, CDT, Aryu, Parsuns, fuckwits

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I felt the need to publish this now…i started a Christmas book last year for recipes, crafts, cuttings, lists etc…I couldn’t face it. I had a list of veg to buy/make like Red Cabbage & Cinnamon carrots – but that’s as far as it got. My heart was breaking, my eyes were constantly sore and puffy and i was aching in my gut like nothing else i had ever experienced. Merry fucking christmas you bastard accusing waste of space cunts, you ruined my family’s Christmas…my partner and i saved it for the boys. I don’t know how we managed..but we did. For them. The boys you could have had put in to Local Authority care…Thanks for being so royally shit at your jobs. I keep reminding myself that i WAS RIGHT all along, in EVERYTHING that i did. I was right, and YOU, yes YOU..Aryu, Parsuns, Garbutt, NHS, were wrong! Damaging & wrong.

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24/12/15

This years christmas couldnot have been worse –
I had hopes of keeping this book as an ongoing xmas to do/ memory
Traditional list of things

NO it’s been been Been Ruined
By me
Social Services –
NHS –
Wankstains cannot do their jobs so blame Me.
Us. Putting us through this shit shit SHIT

To my family      Man, Boy, Toddle
I am so sorry. I wanted so much for this Christmas- we’ve tried to put on a brave face – I Love You. X
Next year will be better. I hope xxxx

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Vic Derbyshire show brief mention of FII & Child Abuse in Fatigue feature

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THIS SHOW NEEDS TO START TAKING NOTICE OF WHAT IS GOING ON WITH PARENTS OF UNSEEN DISABILITIES

C’mon….It is about time that they responded to one of my emails and actually decided to break the silence and help families realise that they are not alone with the horrible and INCORRECT allegations of child abuse that arise from the healthcare servcies who do not see the invisible conditions. YES that person who spoke about fatigue and ME was right (post edit: Jane Colby of Tymes Trust), if something that the health professional suggests doesn’t work, (in this case it was discussing CBT with Chronic fatigue) they automatically assume that the parent has another agenda, a disgraceful and lazy accusation of Munchausen’s by Proxy. It is tearing families apart and it is not only with Fatigue as per the feature on the show just. IT IS WITH AUTISM. AND IT HAS HAPPENED TO ME, MY PARTNER AND OUR CHILDREN! No harm was found, after a hell of a time. Yet, it was gutwrenching and unfair.. and no one has apologised for being WRONG.

Please can someone pick up this story??? Much more needs to be done urgently to lift this overwhelming shadow that the NHS and Children’s Services place on innocent and incredibly caring parents.

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